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ARE YOU ABUSED?

May 3, 2006

 

RESERVE A BOOK ON DOMESTIC VIOLENCE BY ADRIAN SISON

EMAIL ADRIAN@I.PH                                     

GO TO WWW.AMEN.IE AND WWW.BATTEREDMEN.COM

 

ARE YOU ABUSED? DOES THE PERSON YOU LOVE…

 

    • "Track" all of your time?
    • Constantly accuse you of being unfaithful?
    • Discourage your relationships with family and friends?
    • Prevent you from working or attending school?
    • Criticize you for little things?
    • Anger easily when drinking or on drugs?
    • Control all finances and force you to account in detail for what you spend?
    • Humiliate you in front of others?
    • Destroy personal property or sentimental items?
    • Hit, punch, slap, kick, or bite you or the children?
    • Use or threaten to use a weapon against you?
    • Threaten to hurt you or the children?
    • Force you to have sex against your will?

If you find yourself saying yes, it’s time to get help.

 

Developed by the National Crime Prevention Council in Partnership with MOTOROLA®.

 

Anger and conflict is common in a relationship. What’s important is how we handle it. Has it gone too far? Is there an anger problem you need help with? Here are some "anger indicators," from the Web site of Jerry Medol’s highly-successful, male-positive Kansas City Alternatives to Anger program. Are any of these true for your relationship? If so, get help!

1. If anybody is being touched or controlled or dominated, if any abuse is being forced against the will of another, there is abuse going on …it is likely to be violent … it is an anger problem.

2. If you feel attacked or criticized or shamed, or if you find yourself on the defensive a lot …you have an anger problem.

3. If you find yourself not able to listen or if you find yourself shaming another person …you have an anger problem.

4. If either or both of you are raging about what is going on … you both have an anger problem.

5. If either of you feels that you are pushed to the point that you must "take control", verbally or physically … that is an anger problem.

6. If you are in a relationship with somebody who has an anger problem … you also have an anger problem.

Are You in an Abusive Relationship?

A man who had to deal with abuse issues in his own life (and who has started a message board for abused men) looked into the issue of how a man can know if his relationship is abusive. He found two books that focus on women in abusive relationships, but none for men. He has extracted and edited sections from these books, to make them relevant for men. Click here to see what he came up with.

Ultra-Sensitive Men and Abusive Relationships

Not just for ultra-sensitive men. Ultra-sensitive men don’t have different reactions to an abusive relationship, often, they have more intense reactions. They’re magnified, and we can see them more clearly. If you recognize any of the patterns you see in this article, whether or not you’re ultra-sensitive, it’s time to look at whether your relationship is abusive. Some clues:

  • Do you dread "talks" with her?
  • Does your pulse rise and your mind become foggy at the mere thought of a disagreement or conflict with her?
  • Will you do anything to avoid the conflict and keep the peace?
  • Do you have inexplicable aches and pains, or tenseness?
  • Are these worse when you’re around her?
  • Do you have panic attacks at the mere thought of conflict, or mere thought of being with her?
  • Do you find yourself looking for a lot more "alone time"?
  • Does being alone seem a lot more calming and appealing than spending time with her

 

 

 

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