BRINGING COURTSHIP BACK TO YOUR MARRIAGE

 Bringing courtship back into your marriage - by Rick
> Warren
>
>
> Did you know that God intended for your marriage to
> be full of romance,
> physical affection, sex, fun, and playfulness? It’s
> true. When God
> planned your marriage, he planned for the two of you
> to enjoy each other.
>
> Some people think that courtship ends with the
> exchanging of rings. But
> that’s wrong. Proverbs 5:19 tells us to, "Let your
> mate’s affection fill
> you at all times with delight."  Note the words "at
> all times." That
> means you’re to be affectionate before the wedding,
> during the wedding,
> and after the wedding-at all times. You’re to
> continually work to keep
> the courtship alive. If there was more courting
> in marriages, they’d be fewer marriages in court.
> The problems come when
> you stop doing the things you did in the beginning
> to win your mate’s
> love. Those were the things that drew your mate, and
> those are the things
> that will keep your love alive.  If you want romance
> in your marriage,
> you’ve got to keep on dating
> your mate.
>
> Ladies, it might help for you to understand a little
> bit about the nature
> of men. By design, men are achievement-oriented.
> They naturally set
> goals. That’s what they did when they saw you: they
> decided they wanted
> you in their life, they set a goal to win you, and
> then they plotted and
> enacted their strategy, which included a lot of
> activities foreign to
> men. They wooed you with flowers, candy, maybe a
> trip to the opera-all
> sorts of things they would never do unless they were
> in the midst of a
> strategic operation. But the moment the two of you
> married, they
> subconsciously thought, "Mission accomplished!  Now
> it’s on to the next
> goal."  The next goal is usually, "How can I provide
> for this woman I
> love and the family we’re going to raise?" At that
> point, the man takes
> all the energy he used to expend on wooing you, and
> uses it to become a
> success at his job. In his
> mind, he’s providing for his family.  It seems like
> a natural choice to
> him.
>
> But wives don’t see it that way. Wives don’t
> understand the sudden turn
> of events. "What happened?" she wonders. "Where did
> my knight in shining
> armor go? Where’s my candy, my kisses? Now all I get
> is burps and gas.
> What on earth happened?"  While the man is thinking,
> "See how much I love
> you?" the wife is suffering from intense feelings of
> rejection.
>
> It’s obvious that we don’t think alike. But that
> doesn’t change the fact
> that a marriage that’s lacking in romance is a
> marriage that will
> ultimately suffer.
>
>
> Part of the problem with romance is that husband and
> wives tend to see
> each other during the absolute worst parts of the
> day. They see each
> other in the morning when there’s a big rush to get
> dressed, eat a quick
> bite, and get out the door. That can be a stressful
> time-and that’s the
> last impression you leave on each other before going
> your separate ways.
> Then, at the end of the work day, you come back
> together again. Now
> you’re both exhausted, with nothing left to give
> each other. You’ve given
> your best all day. In essence, all you have to offer
> the most important
> person in your life is whatever energy you have left
> over after
> you’ve given your best to others. That’s not fair.
> It’s not fair to
> either of you.
>
> Something has to change. Ecclesiastes 9:9 tells us
> plainly that we’re to
> "Enjoy life with your mate whom you love." In the
> Hebrew, that literally
> says, "with
> your wife," but I think it applies both ways.  We
> need to date our mate.
> We need to make that relationship a priority.  You
> do this by becoming
> best friends with
> one another and making the effort to have fun
> together. Too often, what
> happens between couples is that the longer you’re
> married, the more you
> tend to share the chores and the less you tend to
> share the joys.  If you
> don’t reverse that tendency and develop common
> interests together, your
> relationship could easily become boring.
>
> Some will argue, "That’s impossible! We have nothing
> in common!" Of
> course you don’t.  What do you think attracted you
> to each other? It was
> all the differences you saw in each other. Before
> marriage, opposite
> attract.  After marriage, opposites attack. All
> those things you thought
> were unique and cute and interesting-all those
> things that caught your
> attention-now irritate the socks off you, because
> you’re around them all
> the time.
>
> When you look at your relationship and conclude that
> you have nothing in
> common with your mate, then the answer is to create
> common interests.
> Find something you can enjoy together. Develop a
> common interest
> around something that seems interesting to you. Make
> a list of fun things
> that you could learn to do together. Maybe it’s
> scuba diving. Maybe it’s
> photography, or sailing, or just a simple art class.
> It takes a tiny bit
> of effort to settle on a new
> common interest, but it’s worth that effort. If you
> don’t do it, your
> marriage could very likely go stale. You must
> intentionally develop
> interests and activities that you both will like to
> do-things you can do
> together that will be enjoyable to you both.
>
> The healthiest thing you could do for your marriage
> is to evaluate
> yourself on how well you court your mate. If, after
> looking over your
> relationship, you say,
> "Courtship is non-existent in my marriage.  I’m just
> too busy to work at
> putting fun and romance in our relationship," give
> yourself a 1.  If,
> however, you say, "I still write love notes to my
> husband/wife," give
> yourself an 8.  If you say "We schedule a weekly
> date away from the
> children" give yourself a 10.
>
> You can start this week. Start right now. Today is
> the perfect
> opportunity to bring the spice and zest back into
> your marriage.
>
> Let the courtship begin!